This is just a dump of thoughts that I don't want to puke up on social media or on someone else. These thoughts have been brewing for a while and I thought it may help writing some things I'm feeling down in one blog post.
Arm Problems
For the past 8 months or so I have been dealing with annoying arm pain in my right arm; which just so happens to be my dominant arm.
Things I have enjoyed a lot in my life like drawing and playing action videos game have become actively harmful to my body.
The pain started during a period of time last year I got really into playing Super Smash Bros. Melee online via Slippi Dolphin. I also started taking drawing seriously again after a long time of losing a lot of enthusiasm for the hobby.
This period of time I got very determined to grind out learning the fundamentals of illustration. I also was really wanting to deep-dive into the mechanics of Super Smash Bros. Melee. The timing of these two pass-times converging was very unfortunate.
For a very long time I exclusively drew with mouse. At the moment when I doodle still it's on mouse because it's easier on my arm. When I was grinding out art I didn't notice that the pressure I use to draw with a pen is very heavy. This put a lot of strain on my arm; specifically the wrist and elbow area. That with constant wavedashing and L-cancelling in Melee added on was a recipe for disaster.
The Mental Cost of Recovery
It has been very rough for me for my sense of self since I hurt my arm.
A big part of my personal self-worth is my art. For reasons that are a bit too much to get into today; art and making some sort of positive emotional impact on people is what keeps me feeling any sort of drive.
Not being able to make art and being suggested by doctors to not use my arm for a while has been a big blow for me.
It feels like in a very particular way; that I died.
A lot of the time since I injured myself I have spent mourning or denying the damage to my arm.
I have lately been trying to really do less with my arm not to hurt myself more. I have minimized the action games I play and games that require a lot of repetitive button presses in general.
I really miss playing Super Smash Bros. and have considered building my own Smash Box controller that's entirely light-tension pushbuttons.
As for drawing; I really don't know what to do right now. Traditional art is a bit easier on me, especially painting with a brush; I just do not have the workspace for it.
It's been very hard for me to feel any sort of agency.
I really should be resting my arm. After I'm done typing this I'm going to put ice on it as the doc recommended.
Hopefully I can get back into the groove of things soonish. I really miss creating.
